A Study in Souls
by OfTheFullMoon
Summary: A series of glances into the lives and hearts of individual Autobots and their human allies. Bayverse with additional G1 characters.
1. Optimus

"_The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; _

_be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; _

_be thoughtful, but not lazy; _

_be humble, but not timid; _

_be proud, but not arrogant; _

_have humor, but without folly." – Jim Rohn_

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><p>It's a leader's job to look out for his people. It's the leader's job to know what to do and when to do it, to be able to inspire hope when times are bad, to be the shining light in the midst of darkness. A leader must be confident, dependable, loyal, humble, compassionate, truthful, wise, patient, and loving. A leader has to be all of this and more, because people need someone to look to – someone to depend on.<p>

In the eyes of many, both human and Autobot, Optimus Prime met every requirement and more. He was the perfect leader; one that some humans would secretly wish was leading their own world. Did the Autobot Prime have any flaws at all? Many would say no.

It is also a leader's job to put on a front, if need be, when the leader feels that he cannot measure up to what is required of him. To stand tall when things are going so badly that the leader cannot possibly see a way out of the darkness. To put the needs of those who are being lead before the needs of himself, even when the leader feels one step away from collapsing in exhaustion, when stress makes him just want to walk away from all of the pressing responsibilities, or when grief threatens to crush him to the ground, incapacitating every last function with pain.

People tend to forget about that last responsibility.

No one would be wrong in their assumptions that Optimus was a good leader – he was wonderful, in fact. He was incredibly wise and often had insight into situations that no one else had noticed. He was compassionate and merciful, though in the eyes of some, too much so. He had the ability to inspire those who followed him, encouraging and pushing them forward even when things were at their worst. He was patient and respectful, even to the humans and Autobots who could nearly push him to his limit. Even in those rare times when he lost his temper, he was quick to get it back under control. He was everything one could ask a leader to be.

But even Optimus had his flaws.

Optimus would never describe himself as being perfect; in fact, he would be the first to admit that he was not. If he was asked if he thought that he was worthy to lead the Autobots or humans who willingly placed themselves under his command, he would have said no. But as the leader, he could never have the freedom to voice his doubts and fears aloud, and it was a rare few who he allowed to see his faults. What kind of image would that present to those who looked to him for guidance?

Optimus had fears, despite the common belief that he was brave beyond the point of feeling anything but courage. He didn't fear death or pain…he was afraid that he would fail; that he would make a mistake that would cost the lives of those who followed him. He was afraid that he would let others down and be unable to be everything that they needed him to be.

There were also moments when he had a hard time trusting himself, sometime spending hours over a decision, weighing the costs and benefits before carefully coming to a conclusion. Every word that he spoke was the final authority except for that of Primus, and it was a fact that was often in the forefront of his processor. Everything that he said or did carried meaning, and he had to hide the fact that at times he was unsure of himself in order to continue to present himself as the strong leader that others needed so badly.

He also tended to blame himself when things went wrong, carrying guilt much longer than he should, even when events were not his fault. True, there were some times when he made a poor decision, especially in the days when he had first been named Prime, but Optimus often carried the blame for things that he could not have prevented. It wasn't even that others blamed him – in fact, those who followed him often seemed to have a clearer perspective on the situations than he did when it came to placing blame. Sometimes the face of a mech or femme would come to mind – one that he had failed to rescue in time or that he had been unable to protect in battle. A failed mission, a lost battle, a dead friend…Optimus carried the blame and guilt for each failure, whether it was his fault or not. And that was another weakness that he could not afford to show.

Many would often point to Optimus as a pillar of strength when it came to dealing with tragedy. They would look to him for inspiration in dealing with their pain and staying strong. Optimus didn't bother to put on a constantly happy face for his people – that would have been unbelievable and fake to those watching. He showed grief – he mourned for the dead and the hurting, but he only let others see what he knew they could stand to see – what wouldn't make them lose their faith in him. Others would see his grief, but they would also see a strong mech who had the ability to carry on, even when it hurt and who didn't let sorrow overtake him. What they didn't see was that there were times when this was simply another front. There were moments when the grief and pain felt like it was too much; that the sorrow would simply crush him and never allow him to feel any happiness again. Sometimes he wondered if he could bear to watch another friend die, to let another soldier fall in battle – one who was following _his_ orders, no less. He wondered if he could watch the Decepticons take another victory. But his followers were right about one thing – he _did_ carry on, refusing to let his own hurts destroy him. He did it because he had to. He did because he was their leader.

What Optimus failed to see was that even if every single one of his flaws was to be put on display for all of Earth and Cybertron to see, those under him would still follow him. What he couldn't see was that his greatest weaknesses brought out some of his greatest strengths. His fear of failing those under him showed the depth of his care and concern for others. His self-doubt showed his humility. His self-blame showed that he wasn't one to push the consequences of his actions onto others, but also that he knew that he was not above reproach. His sorrow and pain showed that he had not let the war with the Decepticons steal his ability to feel compassion and love. While he believed that his weaknesses were completely hidden from view, there were many who were not blind. They saw both his strengths and his weaknesses, yet they followed him. They saw each strength and failure come together to make him the leader and mech that he was – one that was worthy of their loyalty. And that was why they followed him. That was why they loved him.

A leader must be brave, confident, and strong even when he feels that it's impossible to carry on. He must bring hope to others and guide them through hard times. A leader must be everything the people need and more, because the leader is the symbol of hope to those who follow. In the eyes and optics, hearts and sparks of others, Optimus Prime is this and more. And nothing could be closer to the truth.


	2. Ratchet

"_Never__ do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics." - Unknown_

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><p>Nobody within NEST dealt with more stupidity on a daily basis than Ratchet. Sure, Lennox dealt with his fair share of ignorant recruits, and Optimus had to put up with arrogant government officials, but Ratchet would bet that no one could even come close to what he had to endure. There wasn't a day that went by without <em>somebody<em> coming into his medical bay with an injury that could have been avoided if only the recipient of said injury had used common sense. Ratchet had lost count long ago of how many times Sideswipe had waltzed in with that cheeky grin of his and expected to be fixed after one of his infamous pranks had gone wrong. Mudflap and Skids weren't much better – Primus couldn't have created two 'Bots more clumsy and ignorant. Wheeljack was also a frequent visitor – how he managed to blow up half of the inventions he created, Ratchet would never know. Not to mention Ironhide, who in sheer stubbornness, would continue to engage his opponents in battle long after he should have pulled himself out to take care of his injuries. And of course, there was always Sam, who somehow managed to attract the attention of every Decepticon within fifty miles of himself. There were also the times when the human's injuries were due to the fact that he and Bumblebee had decided to wander off to find some new adventure or activity to do, and at those times, his guardian often joined him in needing treatment. Sometimes Ratchet just felt like banging his head against a wall.

Of course, he couldn't do that, as the walls of NEST's base were not meant to withstand the strength of a frustrated Autobot, but Ratchet made sure his patients knew of his displeasure. It was a rare few who weren't physically shoved out of the medbay once the medic had finished with them, or weren't sent scrambling as Ratchet pitched one of his tools after their retreating forms, threatening to reconstruct them into a vacuum cleaner if he so much as saw their sorry afts within the next week. Instead of the understanding and encouraging words that most would think a medic would have for his injured patients, the unfortunate victims were treated to a long tirade of curses, threats, and lectures on their stupidity every second of their medical visit.

Ratchet's short temper didn't mean that he didn't care about his patients – of course he cared. Ratchet showed that he cared by the careful attention he gave to even the smallest of injuries. He cared by lecturing his patients and throwing them out of the medbay in relief that he didn't have to keep them there longer. Anyone who really knew Ratchet could tell that he cared – he just had an unconventional way of showing it.

Despite the medic's apparent frustration, he would rather be treating stupid, minor injuries than anything even close to life-threatening, although he'd never admit it. He'd had enough of putting half-dead Autobots back together on Cybertron.

War was a brutal thing, cold and cruel to both those at the front of the battle and those who waited behind the lines to treat the fallen. It was often constant chaos for Ratchet during the war. He'd seen innocents injured, brought into his medbay mangled, shot, crushed…Ratchet was sure that he'd seen every kind of injury possible. Then there were the warriors, the ones out fighting the Decepticons, who were brought back in pieces, some begging to be offlined just to get the pain to stop or so they wouldn't have to go back out and face the hell that devastated the planet.

Many survived to return to the battles – Ratchet hadn't risen to the rank of Chief Medical Officer for no reason. Some even survived long enough to make more than one trip to the medbay. Those slagging twins for example. Eventually, Ratchet was no longer surprised to see Sideswipe and Sunstreaker show up half-dead and requiring hours of stress-filled work. The two front-liners constantly managed to bring themselves to the brink of death, but somehow always pulled through in the end. There were many times when Ratchet had been tempted to simply set aside two berths just for them, along with handy objects that could be thrown at them when they finally left the medbay.

But although there were many 'Bots who Ratchet managed to save, there were just as many that he couldn't. Sometimes no matter how long or hard he worked, their sparks went out, the Autobots finally succumbing to their injuries. And sometimes a lack of medical supplies, medical staff, or simply enough time to help everyone killed just as effectively as the most devastating injuries. Ratchet hated the fact that there was nothing he could do about it. He didn't like to remember the ones he lost, especially when the ones he couldn't save had been his friends. Yes, he could perform miracles, but he wasn't Primus. He couldn't save everyone.

It was those times on Cybertron which Ratchet forced himself to remember whenever he was fed up with his patients on Earth. When he just wanted to throw up his hands and leave certain idiots to their own devices, he remembered that those idiots had the time and freedom to get into trouble and weren't being called back into battle as soon as they were able to stand again. When he was approached for help with repairing a thoughtless injury, he reminded himself that he didn't have to put their shattered pieces back together again, just do some minor repairs. True, it wasn't all about fixing little things – sometimes a battle would go badly and Ratchet would have to pull long hours to get the victim stabilized again, but it was nowhere near as bad as it had been before.

He would willingly put up with the accidents and stupidity of others if it meant that his comrades were happy and enjoying their times of peace. It didn't mean that he wouldn't give them hell every time they showed their faces in the medbay, but at least he had the opportunity to see them return to submit themselves to his tirades. No, despite his complaints, Ratchet wouldn't have things any other way. No other way at all.


End file.
